In today’s day and age, the relationship between a father and child is a standard narrative. It is so widely known that the popular term “Daddy Issues” was coined after it, alluding to women who have unhealthy relationships with their fathers and have poor relationships throughout their lives. However, there is something so sacred about the relationship that you share with your mother. Sure, there are a bunch of remedies out there for children who have negative relationships with their fathers, but how to mend things and make the relationship better with your mother rarely seems to make it mainstream. But things are progressing; we as society progress on a daily basis.
Whether your mother hasn’t been present in your life or your relationship is strained, a broken mother-daughter relationship is more prevalent than you might think. Even though mainstream culture might not acknowledge it, studies show that nearly 30 per cent of women have had a toxic relationship with their mom at some point or the other. Psychologist Elisabeth Graham said, “It can be hard to have a strained relationships that outsiders don’t understand”.
Every year when Mother’s Day approaches, one may ponder on the stability of your relationship with your mother. You may be ready to repair a strained relationship with your mom despite existing tension or past arguments, but the big question always pops in your head, “where do you begin?”. Don’t fret; we have mentioned a few tips for reaching out and rekindling your relationship with your mommy!
Lower Your Expectations
If you want to reconcile things, its better you go with little to no expectations. You might not know the outcome, so proceeding with an open mind and zero expectations would be an ideal move to make things easy for yourself. The less you expect, the less chance of being let down you encounter. However, make sure not to be empty-handed. Bring something to start a conversation with, something that reminds you of your mother; you can scroll through some Mother’s Day gift ideas for starters.
Make the first move if you truly want to mend your toxic relationship. Yes, it always feels good when the other person initiates first; it makes you feel at peace before you start putting in an effort. However, waiting for your mother to make the first move will only breed more resentment. Making the first move can break the ice, and then you two can talk openly and honestly about moving forward. Or perhaps you two could chat over lunch to eliminate that awkward silence and nervousness. Mother’s Day meal deal will help you get your favourite food at an amazing rate. If the meeting didn’t go well, at least you won’t be regretting wasting your money.
Be All Ears
There is a massive chance you’ll have an earful from your mother once you get her to talk. So, instead of losing your cool and launching into a full-throttle attack, try to be calm. Try listening. Yes, it is not an easy task when you have so much to say in return. Listening to someone who has hurt you in the past is not easy, but if you have made up your mind to repair this relationship that is sacred to you, then it wouldn’t hurt. Listening is the most crucial part of any reconciliation; be it any relationship, you’ve got to listen to that person before you reciprocate.
Get Ready to Communicate
Listening to your mother is important in such scenarios, but it doesn’t mean you should keep your mouth shut. You cannot expect your mother to do all the work when you both want to reconcile. It would be best if you were prepared to vent out and be honest about your feelings and what you want out of your relationship; you’ll less likely to feel ambushed in the situation.
Practice What You Want To Say
If you feel nervous and think that being vocal about your feelings will be difficult, you must practice. If you are uncomfortable with talking about your feelings, hurt or otherwise, out loud, try practising what you will say a few times before you actually sit down with your mother. If you have practised what you want to say in your head, it will give you dialogue to pull from when you’re in the moment with your mother.
Forgive And Forget
It is not easy to forgive someone who has hurt you a lot and when its your mother, its 10x times difficult. Mothers’ are gentle creatures, they’re loving, they can’t hurt you, I mean, this is what we all have been made to believe. So, when the pain and mental torture comes from the woman who gave you life, it hurts the most! It’s hard to imagine, almost impossible to comprehend. Forgiving is very different from moving on; the process of forgiveness can be daunting. But once you learn to forgive, you lift the weight of expectation and resentment from your shoulders; you allow yourself to pursue a healthier relationship with your mother.
All in all, its natural for us to keep our guard up or be defensive if we feel we have been treated unjustly or wrongly, but patience, understanding, calm, and openness to differing perspectives will help repair broken relationships.